Saturday, June 26, 2010

Best Blind Date EVER~

I am practicing sarcasm.

Wallace interrupted me in the middle of what to that point had been a very spectacular golf game last night to feel me out on a set up. It didn't ruin my golf game - I shot a 62, which for me is a pretty good game, but whenever I answer a text on the golf course I lose my mojo. My first four holes had been fantastic - my last five were merely ok. I should just leave my phone in the Jeep from now on.

Anyway, point of the story is that I jabbered a bit online to some people about the insanity that is blind dating. Blind date stories are almost always hilarious - after the fact. During an awful blind date all that goes through your mind is that it can't possibly be happening the way you think it is. On any blind date I have ever had I have always sat there thinking that maybe they just have a strange sense of humor that I am just not understanding. I have never had one turn out with a good ending, but mainly they were just boring and slightly weird. One, however, has a leg up on the others in the crazy competition - we will call him Jason. I started to write the whole story out, but it made this blog entry more like a horror novella, so I am just going to bullet point the timeline:

- I agree to meet Jason for dinner, we speak on the phone for about five minutes to finalize plans. This is the ONLY contact we have had outside of a few emails.

- Jason's sister calls me (she took my # of his cell) to ask me my INTENTIONS with her brother. She then proceeds to give me a detailed dating history to explain why Jason needs her to look out for him. I try and be polite and optimistically think maybe his sister is just crazy, but this does not bode well for our date.

- An hour later she calls me back to ask me where he is - she thinks he is missing AND ASKS ME TO COME HELP HER FIND HIM! Are you serious? I have never seen this guy in person and you want me to locate him? At this point I call him and he doesn't answer so I am pretty much writing him off now.

- The next day Jason calls me, says he was up north out of cell service, and apologizes profusely for his sister. He is on his way to see me already or I wouldn't have gone out. I shouldn't have anyway.

- We go out to eat. I pay and he doesn't even offer to contribute. We go to a softball game. I drive. He brings his cell phone charger in MY Jeep and plugs it in so he can text all the way down to the fields! He wants to go out after, but I drop him at his car and go home.

You would think that would have been the end of it, but when I get home he calls me to tell me he left his phone charger in my car so he wants to get together again to get it. I find it UNDER the passenger seat, obviously planted, and tell him I will just mail it to him. He AND his sister call me incessantly for a few days - which I ignore. I never had to speak to him again - and he never got his charger back.

I figure that with this story behind me, any blind date in my future can't possibly be any worse. Of course, I probably just completely jinxed myself and Ben's friend is going to end up speaking gibberish and having a crazy toe fetish....which, upon reflection, I guess is still better than crazy Jason and his sister~

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Blue Sky~

So I have a new favorite song! I know you are on the edge of your kitchen chair/ living room sofa/ lawn furniture/ beanbag waiting to hear what it is! It is called 'Blue Sky' by Emily West, featuring Keith Urban. I love it for the chorus, which goes a little something like this....

"Weather man says it’s gonna rain tonight
The kind of storm where the basement floods and you lose the lights
Should have thought of that before
‘Cause I’m not your blue sky anymore"

And I love it for two reasons. One, it says 'up yours' in prettier words to the tune of a song that feels like 'i really love you'. Very clever. (Jaron and the Long Road Home do this, too, with "I Pray For You" which I like, but this one is way prettier) I like clever.

Two, it uses the analogy of a storm and I LOVE storms. I love the drama of a good storm; the way that the wind seems to to just kick it up a notch at a time until you are looking at the sky just waiting for it. And then the pick up and build until the thunder is arguing with itself and the lightning is splitting the sky in pieces like ripping fabric. And then the storm afterglow, when the thunder just mumbles vaguely in the distance while the rain plays quiet against the roof and everything just seems to settle back into itself and breathe. I love that this song uses that rise and fall to illustrate a failed relationship. Again with the clever.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Challenge of the Week~

In general, I am not a jaded person. I am much more wide-eyed child than world weary cynic. I like to see the best in people, to keep an open mind, and believe that everyone is capable of changing. But every once in a while this backfires on me and I battle with my inner pessimist to try and see past it. This week has been a serious challenge for me to keep the bitter at bay.

Brad is directly and indirectly involved in this - shocker. After having barely any communication with him for nine months, he emails me out of the blue. Here is where I made my first mistake....I answered him. Not smart, I know, but there is part of me that always has hope that one day the man I married is going to pop back up and be there. Thankfully that is a very small part of me and the bigger, realistic part usually wins. Just not the day he emailed me apparently.

To make a very long story short, I pretty much lay out ground rules that I don't want to keep contact unless he can be honest and straight forward. I just can't handle truth stretchers - and he is a master at it. I just don't have the patience to untangle the stories anymore and find the one thread that is real. So we have dinner, hang out, things go fine. A few days later I catch him in a flat out lie. He couldn't even be around for a week without lying to me! What is up with that? How do people live that way? It blows my mind. And when I call him on it, he tries to make me feel like an idiot for being upset - which is completely his M.O. - turn any situation around so he isn't the bad guy instead of accepting responsibility for anything. Brad is always a victim. So that is that. But I am annoyed with myself for letting him get under my skin and I am frustrated with myself for giving him the benefit of the doubt - for the 42nd time. I don't learn.

So in the middle of this mini-drama, I find out that Brad has been in contact with one of my blog readers. This reader is not someone that I know, but she contacted me back when I was writing Season One and told me a mutual friend had recommended my blog to her. She had also been divorced and we exchanged a couple emails talking about our experiences. After a bit, I found out she knew Brad so I emailed her to let her know of the connection and explained that while I was fine with her being a fan of my blog I wouldn't be comfortable with her being on my personal pages. I just know how Brad operates and I felt it would avoid drama. I didn't distrust her, but I just didn't want to leave a window of opportunity for anything. Apparently, this girl turned around and shared all these personal emails with Brad. And then when I moved to this blog site for Season Two, she asked me to add her as a fan here. Seriously? What is the matter with people? Is it too much to ask for people to say what they mean and have their actions really represent who they are?

So this week has been a challenge for me to not feel jaded. This blog is such an honest piece of me and has provoked such open conversations with many different people. To find out that one of those people was underhanded is just disillusioning. And to deal with that in the same week as I dealt with Brad has just made me....cynical. I am sure that next week I will be back to my usual pollyanna self, but this week may find me indulging in my inner bitch a tad bit more than normal.

Apples and Wine~

I am completely cheating with this blog and ripping it off from my friend who emailed it to me this week. Not only because it made me smile and because it fits so perfectly with many of my blog entries - but because I want to share it with all my friends and readers that are good apples as well. The moral of the story is to NOT be an apple on the ground~


Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they're afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples on top think there's something wrong with them, but in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now, men ... men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and its up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Share this with all of the good apples you know.

Congrats to Wallace and Fiona~

Today, a little after midnight, our heroine's baby brother Wallace and his pretty new wife Fiona had their own baby boy. He is not even twenty four hours old and I am here to report that he is going to be a serious heartbreaker. He is, in a word, spectacular.

New babies always make me incredibly happy and incredibly jaded at the very same time. I have a niece through my marriage to Brad and two of my brothers have each given me a nephew. There is one more gender-fuzzy child in utero, to be making his/her debut in December. (I was not lying when I said my crazy, circus family was in expansion mode.) During all my time with said children and during all the fun baby events and hoopla - I am, for the most part, thrilled to be in that moment. Going home to a child free house at the end of all such hoopla - I am, about half of the time, frustrated at my own lack of prodigy.

I am not a career-minded individual. I have never dreamed of advancement and fulfillment through a job. I worked hard at whatever I did, believing that it would help get me to the point in my life where I could focus on what I thought was most important - starting and raising a family of my own. At the hospital last night while we waited for the appearance of our newest nephew, Lola and I were talking with a few other people about how it takes all kinds to make up the world; about how perfect it is that there are some people that feel a calling for working with the eldery or teaching or management or whatever - because then everyone that follows their passion plays a vital role in our world. I have always felt like my passions in life are all secondary to having the kind of family that I was raised in. I want to create that kind of enviroment for myself and my future kids.

The issue with this is that it is not something I can make happen on my own. Which frustrates me to no end. In life, for the most part, I have been able to achieve whatever I want. I am not afraid of working hard, I learn quickly, and I am willing to put in the effort to get where I want to go. Over the years this has earned me success in my career and in my lifestyle. If something is firmly in my control, then I can make it happen. Families and relationships are not like that. It was a hard lesson to learn when I was with Brad. It didn't matter how hard I worked, how much effort I put in - my marriage couldn't be fixed by myself alone. Having kids is a very similar kind of adventure.

Could I raise a family on my own? Probably. Do I want to? Not really. But the older I get the less I am willing to wait for someone that I think is worth building a family with. I feel like every birthday that passes I stop and evaluate the delicate balance of my life and whether I am ready to risk doing it all along and forever changing the course of my life- or if I should just be patient.

Time shall tell....