Challenge of the Week~

In general, I am not a jaded person. I am much more wide-eyed child than world weary cynic. I like to see the best in people, to keep an open mind, and believe that everyone is capable of changing. But every once in a while this backfires on me and I battle with my inner pessimist to try and see past it. This week has been a serious challenge for me to keep the bitter at bay.

Brad is directly and indirectly involved in this - shocker. After having barely any communication with him for nine months, he emails me out of the blue. Here is where I made my first mistake....I answered him. Not smart, I know, but there is part of me that always has hope that one day the man I married is going to pop back up and be there. Thankfully that is a very small part of me and the bigger, realistic part usually wins. Just not the day he emailed me apparently.

To make a very long story short, I pretty much lay out ground rules that I don't want to keep contact unless he can be honest and straight forward. I just can't handle truth stretchers - and he is a master at it. I just don't have the patience to untangle the stories anymore and find the one thread that is real. So we have dinner, hang out, things go fine. A few days later I catch him in a flat out lie. He couldn't even be around for a week without lying to me! What is up with that? How do people live that way? It blows my mind. And when I call him on it, he tries to make me feel like an idiot for being upset - which is completely his M.O. - turn any situation around so he isn't the bad guy instead of accepting responsibility for anything. Brad is always a victim. So that is that. But I am annoyed with myself for letting him get under my skin and I am frustrated with myself for giving him the benefit of the doubt - for the 42nd time. I don't learn.

So in the middle of this mini-drama, I find out that Brad has been in contact with one of my blog readers. This reader is not someone that I know, but she contacted me back when I was writing Season One and told me a mutual friend had recommended my blog to her. She had also been divorced and we exchanged a couple emails talking about our experiences. After a bit, I found out she knew Brad so I emailed her to let her know of the connection and explained that while I was fine with her being a fan of my blog I wouldn't be comfortable with her being on my personal pages. I just know how Brad operates and I felt it would avoid drama. I didn't distrust her, but I just didn't want to leave a window of opportunity for anything. Apparently, this girl turned around and shared all these personal emails with Brad. And then when I moved to this blog site for Season Two, she asked me to add her as a fan here. Seriously? What is the matter with people? Is it too much to ask for people to say what they mean and have their actions really represent who they are?

So this week has been a challenge for me to not feel jaded. This blog is such an honest piece of me and has provoked such open conversations with many different people. To find out that one of those people was underhanded is just disillusioning. And to deal with that in the same week as I dealt with Brad has just made me....cynical. I am sure that next week I will be back to my usual pollyanna self, but this week may find me indulging in my inner bitch a tad bit more than normal.